Joystiq http://www.joystiq.com Joystiq http://www.joystiq.com/media/feedlogo.gif Joystiq http://www.joystiq.com en-us Copyright 2008 Weblogs, Inc. The contents of this feed are available for non-commercial use only. Blogsmith http://www.blogsmith.com/Zero Punctuation apparently missed the actual E3http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/30/zero-punctuation-apparently-missed-the-actual-e3/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/30/zero-punctuation-apparently-missed-the-actual-e3/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/30/zero-punctuation-apparently-missed-the-actual-e3/#commentsFiled under:


This week's Zero Punctuation makes us wonder: What E3 is Yahtzee talking about? Perhaps things seemed different from the outside, but this year's show actually saw a slew of original titles -- shockingly enough, many from the maw of EA. Sure, there is some serious sequelitus going on (and certain outlets really need to stop riding RE4 v2 RE5's rooster), but we were pleasantly surprised by some of the new IPs. Oh well, no sense in trying to convey some semblance of reason here. Carry on with the amusing hate.

Check out Yahtzee's NSFW take on E3 after the break.


Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>e3-2008escapistyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-07-30T18:15:00+00:00Zero Punctuation visits Conan in Hyboriahttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/23/zero-punctuation-visits-conan-in-hyboria/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/23/zero-punctuation-visits-conan-in-hyboria/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/23/zero-punctuation-visits-conan-in-hyboria/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,


No matter how much the hardcore MMORPG crowd may want to deny it, almost every game in the genre wants to be, or wishes it could have been, World or Warcraft. This week's Zero Punctuation says as much, with Yahtzee trying to enjoy his Hyborian adventure but wandering into familiar -- but not quite right -- WoW territory.

Check out the NSFW review of Age of Conan after the break.

Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>age-of-conanage-of-conan-hyborian-adventuresconanescapistescapist-magazineyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-07-23T21:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation whips it good with Lego Indyhttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/09/zero-punctuation-whips-it-real-good-with-lego-indy/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/09/zero-punctuation-whips-it-real-good-with-lego-indy/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/09/zero-punctuation-whips-it-real-good-with-lego-indy/#commentsFiled under: , , , , ,


Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee takes on both the Lego Indiana Jones game and the latest movie in his latest review. For his take on the game, the ornery critic comes up with an equation for figuring out how much you'll enjoy playing as Indy in the blockified platformer.

If doing mathematicals isn't your thing, just think about how much fun you'll have killing Short Round -- or Willie -- over and over again. Although it still doesn't beat the cathartic Jar-Jar killing of the Lego Star Wars game.

This week's NSFW ZP review of Lego Indy can be found after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistescapist-magazinelego-indiana-jonesyahtzeeyahtzee-croshawzero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-07-09T18:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation draws out the webcomic templatehttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/03/zero-punctuation-draws-out-the-webcomic-template/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/03/zero-punctuation-draws-out-the-webcomic-template/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/07/03/zero-punctuation-draws-out-the-webcomic-template/#commentsFiled under:


This week's Zero Punctuation takes a long, hard and ironic look at the glut of gaming webcomics. Yes, Yahtzee fully realizes the hypocrisy of his words, but that's not going to stop him from flinging poo and keeping those traffic numbers high. We imagine it getting weird when Yahtzee's piece about webcomics spawns more comics about the subject and proves everything he's saying in the first place.

The NSFW ZP review of webcomics can be found after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistescapist-magazinewebcomicwebcomicsyahtzeeyahtzee-croshawzero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-07-03T02:00:00+00:00NINJA GAIDEN 2 presents: Zero Punctuation's MGS4 reviewhttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/25/ninja-gaiden-2-presents-zero-punctuations-mgs4-review/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/25/ninja-gaiden-2-presents-zero-punctuations-mgs4-review/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/25/ninja-gaiden-2-presents-zero-punctuations-mgs4-review/#commentsFiled under: , ,


By the time the Zero Punctuation video review of Metal Gear Solid 4 ended, we still had another two and a half minutes of commercials to watch. Given our dire attention spans, we'd completely forgotten what had happened! But those ads sure are spiffy ... Wasn't it cool how Ryu Hyuwhatshisname from Ninja Gaiden II chopped those guys in half? Ninja Gaiden II is awesome! We should all go out and buy Ninja Gaiden II, right now!

... If you want to watch this week's review of ... what was it again? Oh, MGS4. Check it out after the break. Hey, did you see that ad for de-rez?

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistzero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-06-25T16:45:00+00:00Zero Punctuation makes war, not love with Hazehttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/21/zero-punctuation-makes-war-not-love-with-haze/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/21/zero-punctuation-makes-war-not-love-with-haze/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/21/zero-punctuation-makes-war-not-love-with-haze/#commentsFiled under: , ,


OK, we have a situation. Yahtzee's latest Zero Punctuation piece couldn't knock one out of the park with such a simple target like Haze. Even standard reviews did a good job roasting it. The curmudgeon expat still trashes the game, but it's like he received a Nectar injection and was fighting the effects as he put together the review ... seriously, we're talking about the game that can already be found for $40. We're hoping this week's review is merely a hiccup and that Haze will finally sink in on Yahtzee, making him go ballistic next week.

Due to technical difficulties we are unable to post ZP after the break. Please click the image above to see this week's episode.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapisthazeyahtzeeyahtzee-croshawzero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-06-21T02:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation not lovin' Oblivionhttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/04/zero-punctuation-not-lovin-oblivion/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/04/zero-punctuation-not-lovin-oblivion/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/06/04/zero-punctuation-not-lovin-oblivion/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


To refill his rage this week, Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee took a trip back to the simpler time of 2006 and grabbed a copy of The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion off the new release shelf. Being a Western RPG, instead of a JRPG, the game actually stood a small chance of stealing Yahtzee's artificial heart. Of course, the problems with the voice acting and immersion that plagued the game when it first released haven't aged well. Yahtzee obviously takes the opportunity to jam a lead pipe into Oblivion and hoover out every last bit of hate he can.

Find this week's NSFW ZP review of the game where Patrick Stewart plays the emperor for about 10 minutes after the break.


Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>bethesda-softworksescapistoblivionyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-06-04T19:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation unhappily discovers The World Ends With Youhttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/28/zero-punctuation-unhappily-discovers-the-world-ends-with-you/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/28/zero-punctuation-unhappily-discovers-the-world-ends-with-you/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/28/zero-punctuation-unhappily-discovers-the-world-ends-with-you/#commentsFiled under: , ,


Zero Punctuation discovers The World Ends With You this week. This sudden realization has caused him to send his vast internet army to your house and kill you. Really! Run!

Actually, The World Ends With You is a JRPG that's been getting some strongly supportive reviews from several outlets that do that reviewing sort of thing. As any disciple of Yahtzee knows at this point, he hates JRPGs and Nintendo -- the jury is still out though on which one he hates more. TWEWY gets off easy in this review by confusing Yahtzee to the point where he can't form an opinion and leaves it up to the audience.

Find this week's NSFW ZP review of another Japanese game with kids who have gravity defying hair after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistthe-world-ends-with-youyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-05-28T19:30:00+00:00Zero Punctuation pops old Painkiller for funhttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/22/zero-punctuation-pops-old-painkiller-for-fun/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/22/zero-punctuation-pops-old-painkiller-for-fun/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/22/zero-punctuation-pops-old-painkiller-for-fun/#commentsFiled under: ,


Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee rocks it old school this week in a trip down "kill everything you see" lane with a review of Painkiller. Way back in 2004, which if internet time is converted to normal time is circa 1674, Painkiller received better-than-average reviews by embracing the first-person shooter genre like it was the '90s and Doom was still en vogue. So, this week Yahtzee talks about the game "where you kill tons of dudes" and gets comfortable for the relatively dry summer release schedule ... well, winter for him.

Find this week's NSFW ZP review of a game featuring a gun that shoots shuriken and lightning after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistpainkilleryahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-05-22T01:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation enjoys Grand Theft Auto-roticahttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/14/zero-punctuation-enjoys-grand-theft-auto-rotica/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/14/zero-punctuation-enjoys-grand-theft-auto-rotica/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/14/zero-punctuation-enjoys-grand-theft-auto-rotica/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Zero Punctuation takes on Grand Theft Auto IV this week, but if you're one of the five people who didn't buy the game and are hoping for some ZP hate-fest on par with the Super Smash Bros. Brawl review ... then you have another thing coming. Yahtzee doesn't exactly suck GTA IV's "thumb" -- like he does Valve's -- but the issues he grasps onto are relatively minor points about getting lost in the side stuff. Not really full of his trademark, hyperbolic bile then. Shockingly, he even says that after finishing the review, he went back and played the game some more. It appears Niko Bellic has found a friend in Yahtzee.

Find this week's NSFW relative non-hate review of GTA IV after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistgrand-theft-autogrand-theft-auto-ivgrandtheftautograndtheftautoivgta-ivgtaivyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-05-14T16:45:00+00:00Zero Punctuation reviews fanboyshttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/zero-punctuation-reviews-fanboys/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/zero-punctuation-reviews-fanboys/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/05/07/zero-punctuation-reviews-fanboys/#commentsFiled under:


Apparently Yahtzee found the fanboy uproar over his Super Smash Bros. Brawl review so irritating that this week's Zero Punctuation is dedicated to reviewing the unpaid console defenders out there. Yahtzee finds his rage again this week and lashes out in a way that many professionals who make their living off the internet wish they could. Not us, of course, we're too heavily medicated and just allow the sea of hate to wash over us in waves of brilliant pinks and purples. Numbness is the first step to professional happiness on the internetz.

Find Yahtzee's NSFW love-letter to fanboys after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistescapist-magazineescapistmagazinefanboysyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-05-07T22:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation takes on the God of Warhttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/30/zero-punctuation-takes-on-the-god-of-war/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/30/zero-punctuation-takes-on-the-god-of-war/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/30/zero-punctuation-takes-on-the-god-of-war/#commentsFiled under: , ,


Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee isn't content with taking on just God of War: Chains of Olympus this week. No, he takes on the whole bloody franchise. What we end up getting is almost four minutes of Yahtzee admitting that he's nitpicking and that the series helps give us relief from our 9 8:30 to 5 6 (with a half-hour lunch break) lives. The trademark Yahtzee anger just isn't there in this review, but considering it was overflowing in last week's Smash Bros. piece, an easing of tension might be good for a week.

This week's NSFW review eviscerating God of War: Chains of Olympus can be found after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistgod-of-wargod-of-war-chains-of-olympusgodofwaryahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-04-30T16:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation beats up Smash Bros. Brawl ... you're surprised?http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/23/zero-punctuation-beats-up-smash-bros-brawl-youre-surprised/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/23/zero-punctuation-beats-up-smash-bros-brawl-youre-surprised/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/23/zero-punctuation-beats-up-smash-bros-brawl-youre-surprised/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,


This is the Zero Punctuation that'll make the Nintendo Defense Force mobilize and threaten nuclear annihilation. This week Yahtzee takes on one of the Wii's golden cows with his review wholesale bludgeoning of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. For those just joining the ZP party, Yahtzee doesn't like Nintendo very much. If you love SSBB, great. If you don't like it, that's great too. Just sit back and enjoy the review for the spectacle in hatred it is.

Fanboys, prepare for masochism after the break with this week's NSFW review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistescapist-magazinessbbyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-04-23T20:30:00+00:00Zero Punctuation loves Condemned 2 ... until halfway throughhttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/16/zero-punctuation-loves-condemned-2-until-halfway-through/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/16/zero-punctuation-loves-condemned-2-until-halfway-through/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/16/zero-punctuation-loves-condemned-2-until-halfway-through/#commentsFiled under: , , , ,


Zero Punctuation's Yahtzee beats up sleep-deprived hobos this week for his Condemned 2: Bloodshot review and, up until the midway point, was all set to name it "game of the year." Apparently, Condemned 2 suffers from the same disease which afflicted Indigo Prophecy (Fahrenheit to our European friends), where the game took a left turn halfway through and players were introduced to concepts that ruined everything built up to that point. Those who played Indigo Prophecy (and were enjoying themselves) probably remember the moment that game went from intriguing to ridiculous.

Get your homeless-beating fix after the break with this week's NSFW review of Condemned 2: Bloodshot.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>condemnedcondemned-2condemned-2-bloodshotcondemned2bloodshotescapistyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-04-16T19:30:00+00:00Zero Punctuation believes in No More Heroeshttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/zero-punctuation-believes-in-no-more-heroes/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/zero-punctuation-believes-in-no-more-heroes/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/09/zero-punctuation-believes-in-no-more-heroes/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Zero Punctuation discovers that we could use another hero (and a way home) in this week's review of Suda 51's No More Heroes. Rightful finger-pointing at Suda 51's pretentiousness starts the review, but it soon gets slashed away by Yahtzee's belief that No More Heroes does offer something "different." As we all know, "different" is this industry's version of the Monopoly "Get Out of Jail Free" card. It won't save a game from nasty reviews, but the cuts are certainly less deep.

Thunderdome your way to this week's NSFW review of No More Heroes after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>escapistno-more-heroesnomoreheroesyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-04-09T23:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation is an army of one in Army of Twohttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/02/zero-punctuation-is-an-army-of-one-in-army-of-two/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/02/zero-punctuation-is-an-army-of-one-in-army-of-two/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/04/02/zero-punctuation-is-an-army-of-one-in-army-of-two/#commentsFiled under: , ,


The normally solitary Yahtzee (he is a PC snob after all) takes on Army of Two this week, a game designed to be played co-op -- so we already know this is going to end badly. After becoming frustrated with his computer partner's AI, he decides to invite a friend over and proceeds to become frustrated with his human companion's abilities as well. Like any listener of the Joystiq Podcast already knows, Army of Two has a lot of issues, the least of which is forgetting that for a co-op action shooter it sort of missed the boat on creating an enjoyable co-op experience.

This week's NSFW review of Army of Two can be found after the break. Watch it with a friend, or if you're a PC gamer your favorite plant.*

*Oh, calm down ... this is coming from the blogger who can spend days playing Civilization IV and Sins of a Solar Empire.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>army-of-twoarmyoftwoescapistthe-escapistyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-04-02T16:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation spares Zack & Wikihttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/26/zero-punctuation-spares-zack-and-wiki/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/26/zero-punctuation-spares-zack-and-wiki/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/26/zero-punctuation-spares-zack-and-wiki/#commentsFiled under: ,


Zack & Wiki is the target of this week's Zero Punctuation review and thankfully the game comes out relatively unscathed. Sure, there are remarks about the Wii being for children, the annoying noises the characters make and the gimmicky use of the Wiimote -- but, really, how many Wii games don't conjure up those ideas?*

The main thing Yahtzee points out is Zack & Wiki delivers on that smug feeling adventure gamers get when they figure out a puzzle without using GameFAQs, which is essentially what will keep players going ... even when they invariably die over and over again for poking something they shouldn't have.

Discover this week's NSFW review of Zack & Wiki using your Wiimote in a counter-clockwise motion while upside down to click on the link below.

*Fanboys: Feel free to leave your list in the comments ... we know you will.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>capcomescapistyahtzeezack-and-wikizackandwikizero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-03-26T18:30:00+00:00Zero Punctuation hunts Turok and other FPSshttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/19/zero-punctuation-hunts-turok-and-other-fpss/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/19/zero-punctuation-hunts-turok-and-other-fpss/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/19/zero-punctuation-hunts-turok-and-other-fpss/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Zero Punctuation tries to be helpful this week by beating Turok with blunt vocabulary and attempting to help other first person shooter developers not make the same mistakes. The six minor points Yahtzee lays out ask shooters not to be cheap imitations of Halo, which itself is a cheap knock-off of ... oh, let's avoid finishing that sentence for the sake of being able to turn on the car tomorrow morning with reasonable knowledge it won't explode.

This week's NSFW review of that game with dinosaurs, Turok, is embedded all cozy-like after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>disneyescapistthe-escapisttouchstoneturokyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-03-19T19:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation doesn't find paradise in Burnouthttp://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/12/zero-punctuation-doesnt-find-paradise-in-burnout/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/12/zero-punctuation-doesnt-find-paradise-in-burnout/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/12/zero-punctuation-doesnt-find-paradise-in-burnout/#commentsFiled under: , , ,


Zero Punctuation takes a spin in Burnout Paradise this week and discovers that cars have taken over Paradise City and people are nowhere to be found. The main sticking point Yahtzee has with the game is that while Burnout Paradise has an open world like Grand Theft Auto, requiring the player to look at a map during a high-speed chase is a bit awkward. He realizes the game isn't designed for him, but rather for people who don't have time to play games and are too busy having carnal relations.

This week's NSFW review of Burnout Paradise, involving a joke about female menstruation and biscuit mutilation, can be found after the break.

[Thanks, Sam]

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>burnout-paradiseburnoutparadiseescapistkonamiparadisetheescapistyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-03-12T18:00:00+00:00Zero Punctuation tears up Devil May Cry 4http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/05/zero-punctuation-tears-up-devil-may-cry-4/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/05/zero-punctuation-tears-up-devil-may-cry-4/http://www.joystiq.com/2008/03/05/zero-punctuation-tears-up-devil-may-cry-4/#commentsFiled under: , ,


Did you feel that Devil May Cry 4 was so busy with its own style that it neglected to actually let you play -- well, so did Yahtzee. This week Zero Punctuation takes on DMC 4, the game which pulled a Metal Gear Solid 2 on us and introduced a character who was kind of like our original hero, but totally not. Don't be upset with Yahtzee's rage DMC fanboys, take solace in the knowledge that your beloved franchise has already shipped 2 million copies.

This week's less NSFW than usual review of Devil May Cry 4 can be found after the break.

Read | Permalink | Email this | Comments

]]>capcomdevil-may-cry-4devilmaycry4dmc4escapisttheescapistyahtzeezero-punctuationzeropunctuationAlexander Sliwinski2008-03-05T21:00:00+00:00